With the tears on my eyes, I was just watching them. My mind was numb, couldn’t think how to react in this position. Like the lunatic, I just gazed towards the girl and then the face of Roland who gave no expression. “Rrrr, Rebbie, she needs some help from me.” Roland took a step and trembled, the Girl grabbed him from his waist. “Ppp…Please don’t disturb us while I help her.” The girl giggles. “We will see you soon.” This time the girl uttered the words with the contagious smile.
The girl started to almost drag Roland, they entered into our room and the room closed.
I didn’t know how to respond to this situation. I never thought this will happened to me. From that point I scrutinized my previous deeds. Now the entire picture clear.
The innocent girl with simple dreams and decent friends, suddenly one boy came to her life who was not simple and decent. The girl foolishly followed him and hoping the person she loved will not betray her. She did everything to please him. But later The girl found out, the Boy she loved is the statue of betrayal.
Well this is the most ridiculous story of me, Isn’t it? I was in a zone where I thought love is above them all. My studies, my mother, my career. I left all this because of my love. But at that point the silliest person, yes, me, discovered her Love was a hoax. This love tricked me to carry away from all my dreams and distanced me from my loved ones.
I want to wept on this situation, but tears opposed me. May be they were also laughed at me. ‘Come on idiot we will not waste on you, you are the most absurd person we have seen.”
I want to laugh at my situation, yes I am indeed the most foolish girl, but my lips are tight. May be they mourned. They will not love any one like they did. The door of passionate love closed for them.
All night, I speculated about the situation. All night my whole body mocked me. There was a certain point where I laughed at me.
That night I felt my love has died. I shed some tears for it.
Next day I left the house early, roam here and there. Waiting for my work time. I decided I will talk to Clyne that I didn’t want to live in this country anymore. Clyne confiscated the passports of their employees. Roland told me he gave my passport to him.
Clyne didn’t come at all on that day. I didn’t want to go home, but I had no choice so I went back to the house. When I saw there was no one at the house, I took the sigh of relief.
Clyne the whole body tattooed goon showed up next day.
“Hey hold on, you said Clyne have tattoo in his hand. How you know he has tattoos on whole body?” Eric like the journalist raised his fingers and throws his point towards me. Well that’s not a point it’s a question.
The question, which answer I about to give him, But No, I cannot tell them the answer of this question, they are just Childs. I will not tell them, Clyne raped me several times. The painful part not ended yet. Clyne told me he got the permission from Roland. He refused to give me my passport. He told me willingly or by force, I will be on his service all my whole life. I will not tell the innocent children, I worked as a whore, slut, prostitute, Bitch, They used to call me. I cannot tell them the most painful part of my life which lasted for years.
The long pause makes me more suspicious. So I give them the half truth.
I saw Clyne next day in the swimming pool of the Hotel. He was on his shorts that’s why I knew he have tattoo on all his body. He refused to give me my passport; he threatened me, if I will not obey him. He will throw me to the bad departments.
“What are bad departments?” Eric with anxiousness inquires again. His facial expression gives a hint, he realized the context I didn’t told.
Clyne was a drug dealer, If I didn’t obey him he wanted me to sell drugs. So I agreed to work as a waitress of his hotel.
Eric sees me like I am lying.
The next voice comes with surprising effect.
“You didn’t kill him?” The little Emmy inquires again with her cute accent. I shake my head. “So what’s the point of this story? You have to kill him so the story lesson will be, Never hesitate to kill the oppressor.” She said with the heavy voice and her hands were like she trapped someone from hands.
The element of happiness spread in the room again.
“Just hear her out.” Eric with annoyance castigates Emmy.
I do not respond to Emmy or Eric. Because this is the most painful and tragic part of my story. This is the part where I found myself helpless.
I wanted to get rid of this state. There was no one there to help me. Except one… my messiah, who always stood by my side no matter what? Unfortunately, when she needed me the most I left her. She got angry with me. But I know if I will weep in front of her, her heart will melt. The problem was she didn’t pick my call.
Then I remember, My mom was not only one, my friends Chelsea and Bree will help me out to reach my Mom. From this point, I realized I left them all, and followed the hoax, in the name of love. The great delusion which sabotaged my life, but there are some characters in my previous life that could get me out of this mess.
I called to Chelsea.
The familiar voice came, “Hello”
“Hi Brittany, I am Rebecca.”
“Oh, Rebecca honey? After a long time, where have you been?” Yes, it’s been six years I never met Chelsea’s Mom but still she was excited to talk with me.
“I want to talk to Chelsea, Brittany, I am fine and I am with my husband.” I will not tell her everything I need to talk to my Mom first.
“Oh I heard about it you marry in such a young age, are you happy?”
“Yes, Brittany I am happy.” I uttered this lie with a weepy tone. “Please I want to talk to Chelsea.”
Brittany sensed the exasperation in me. “Rebecca, Honey, She is in another city for job. If she contacts me I will pass the message. Is this your number which came on CLI?”
Suddenly I realized I was calling with the Hotel’s phone. “No, Brittany this is not my number. I will call you again, take care.”
“Okay take care you too Honey.” I put down the cradle of the phone.
I hurriedly dialed the number of my second friend. Surprisingly I remembered their number. In School, we used to call each other a lot, we talked for hours. Making the plan for the future, I wanted to become a teacher. The noblest job. Chelsea dream was modeling; she wanted to be a great model. Bree never shown only one intention, one day she said she wanted to become an engineer, The second day her instance changed she wanted to become a singer and next day Pilot.
After so many bells, the familiar voice came again. But to my relief, she was Bree. “Hello, who is this?”
“Hello Bree, I am Rebecca, I am sorry, I love you.” I started to sob, after so many years I was hearing the voice of my sincere friend. I lost all my patience.
“Oh, Hi, Hello Rebbie, what happened? Are you okay?”
I tried to settle myself when I spoke the loud mourn came out of my mouth, I wept again.
“Okay, Okay I know you are sorry…. you drama queen. Do not cry like a child… Uhmm.. aahh..I forgive you.” I couldn’t control myself. The more she showed niceness to me the more I fall in the deep grief.
After a while, I settled myself, “Bree, I want your help, do you know where my mom is?”
“No, I haven’t met her, I heard the news she left the city.”
“Bree, please will you find her for me, I need to talk to her. It’s urgent.”
“Ok Rebbie sure….I will… don’t worry… how’s your husband? You are very lucky you got what you want…”
The painful smile came on my face. “No, Bree, You are lucky you didn’t get what you want. Sometimes the person is chasing the mirage.”
“Are you okay Rebbie, if you want to tell me I have a lot of time… you know I just got fired from the office… and I am worried my Boy will dump me soon. I direly needed suggestion Rebbie.”
I was on the verge of destruction; I seek help for my Messiah. She needs a suggestion from me, the last person who can give good suggestion. But I tried “Bree, you are awesome, always remember that, and make sure no one will change you. Don’t fall in the talk of less awesome person.”
I appreciated myself, at this point I realized, bad situations made you better suggester.
But Bree starts to tell her life story, She was, is, and will be like this. She never hears anyone; she can talk several hours on one topic.
After a while I had to make a false pretense that I have to go, someone is calling me.
The next day I call her again. “Hello, hello Rebbie, How are you?” I sensed her hesitant tone, which is very unlikely. I Inquired is everything okay?. “Uhh.. Rebbie, it’s bad news…” She took a brief pause, further, she resumed with the weepy tone, “Okay I have to say it quickly, I am sorry Rebbie, I am really, really sorry darling, your mom is no longer in this world.”
I remember the moment every ounce of it. This was the most painful moment of my life.
My eyes get wide, and the tears commence to gather on the shore of my eyes.
Eric gives me tissue, I say thanks to him.
When she uttered the words, I was in disbelief. “What are you saying, Bree? How do you know? It is not true? Please tell me it is not true?”
“Rebbie I am sorry. After your call, I called Zoyka, She lives near the Emmy, She told me Emmy got sick and died after six months you left. She was angry with you she forbids her to tell anyone especially including you” The reply came with a sob.
I heard the sound of the flat bell in my mind. I put the cradle on the deck and moved towards the gate slowly. Like some zombie walking… without any thought. The people around me chatting, laughing, but I was indulged in the state of emptiness. Watching them like a fanatic. “Oi pass me some pasta.” My Supervisor ordered me. I just watched him not budged at all. “Are you lost your mind girl? Move.” He hissed… with a stare that told me I am a disgusting creature.
Yes, I am the most disgusting creature of the world. My mother died because of me. Because of my stupid love, I broke the heart of her. I broke the heart of everyone who was dared to me. I ruined my life, her life. No one left to rescue me. I don’t deserve to be rescued. This all is fitting for me.
I stop talking and thinking about the past.
I was in the state of mind; this all bad happenings were virtuous for me. So when the first time Clyne came to my house, I resisted but after that, I stopped resisting. If someone humiliates me, insults me, throws the jab at me, I just bear it with the mentality this all are the consequences of my bad deeds.
Kid anxiously watching me waiting for me to say something. I realize and start my story again.
I told myself, “Ouch, Rebbie, it hurts, but you are a bad person you will get bad treatment. So stop mourning.”
This state of mind remains for almost three years. I willingly let myself trap in the net of Clyne… (Continued)